A Rim Roller's Lament

Most Canadians like to celebrate the arrival of spring. It’s an annual rite of passage that’s identified by certain traditions which include various Maple Syrup festivals, the changing of the clocks and perhaps most notably the beginning of “Roll up the Rim to Win.”

Professionally speaking, I tip my hat to the brilliance of this campaign. However as a coffee consumer, I lament at how they have me reeled in hook, line and sinker. Normally the drive-thru is something I only visit on occasion yet around this time of year I find myself incredibly drawn to any of the over 2,000 locations where I can grab my double-double and roll my R’s. I somehow wind up sucked into the pattern of buying more coffee than I need just so that I can finish and roll up the rim to discover that I must “Please try again.” This relentless rejection leaves me doubting myself and thinking that winning that I-Pod was just not meant to be.

However their then seems to be a certain amount of surrealism involved when at last I finally do receive a winning cup and I pump my fist because I just won a cookie. It doesn’t matter that to win that very cookie I spent enough money on coffee to actually buy a dozen of those same Caramel/Chocolate Chip waist-expanders. No sir, I am now victorious and I can proudly say that I am one of the 4,818 winners at that location!

This experience reminds me of when I used to go to the midway and I’d see some beefcake with 3 jumbo Teddy Bear’s in his arms for his girlfriend and all I had was a keychain after dropping $20 on Plinko. Everyone was winning free coffees, I-Pod’s and stuff, but I’d was winning squat. But somehow that very cookie made me feel like a winner again and restored my faith in the world.

The contest has also allowed me to learn new things. Thanks to always rolling up the rim I know just how much coffee I can hold in my bladder, I know the G.P.S. co-ordinates of every drive-thru within 75 Kilometres of home and I’ve learned just what the wax on the inside of coffee cups actually tastes like.

To the creators I offer my thanks. My Scottish Brogue is better, and I have a new appreciation for things like free fritters and muffins.